“But wait! Tell on his sense of humor as being equally deficient and see my friend livid with rage in a moment. It is likely that he’ll shout the same words he says every time he is given that moral affront: ‘Sense of Humor! Me without a sense of humor! I suppose I’ve a keener sense of humor than any man in the province’.”

STICKS AND STONES may break my bones but words can never hurt me. A friend of mind takes this saying as a rule of thumb. He sticks to such a useful principle that has a wide application although it is not intended to be strictly accurate. While he wants to spare the rod and avoids throwing marbles, he does not give a damn when they call him names.

***

What is in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. This question that Juliet asked in a Shakespeare’s play is sheer folly and the response she gave is by no means invariably true. But my friend accepts this adage as valid and he does not feel offended by any name that other people may call him.

***

Say to him, “Balamu kakung apansin – makayarap ka Minalin” and my cross-eyed kabalen will admit it. He does not deny that his sight is not good. Say to him again, “Kandungangu karakal da naman – eka mekabaril metung muman” and my friend who shoots badly with a shotgun will admit it as well.

***

My friend whiles the time in karaoke bar during happy hours. He loves to sing with his co-employees notwithstanding that he has the voice of a composer. When a companion jestingly tells him that he is out of tune, he will plume himself on having absolutely no ear for music and add, “I am just exercising my vocal chords.”

***

Having a lot of deficiency does not seem to bother my friend at all. Even if you call him, “Mapanako damulag – keng lubid ka palundag,” he makes no bones about it. I do not know what kind of stuff he is made of. No amount of teasing that anyone does can turn him to see red or get mad. Words do not hurt him indeed.

***

But wait! Tell on his sense of humor as being equally deficient and see my friend livid with rage in a moment. It is likely that he’ll shout the same words he says every time he is given that moral affront: “Sense of Humor! Me without a sense of humor! I suppose I’ve a keener sense of humor than any man in the province.”

***

Ha! Ha! Ha! After all, there are words that can break the heart of my friend and hurt his ego and these are a Deficient-Sense-of-Humor. I am sure that you’ll meet my friend anytime, anywhere. When you do, take care not to talk about his deficient sense of humor unless you want to court a bitter personal attack from him.

***

Sometimes my friend is a politician. He now runs for President. Humor him with the name “Abnoy” or call him a man who can hardly stand on his own two feet and he won’t be offended. But don’t ever say that he and his closest rival are in a statistical tie or else he’ll say bad words: “some surveys can be bought in the market place.”

***

Other times, my friend is his own rival. He also guns for the Presidency. Humor him by asking how much money had been lost in the C-5 controversial project and he won’t take offense. He believes that he came out of business with clean hands. But don’t tell on him as a candidate of Malacanang otherwise, he’ll say, “me a Tondo boy not a Palace ploy”

***

At all times, my friend is everybody. He or she loves to crack jokes and loves to hear them. More often than not, the color of the jokes he loves to tell is green and the kind of humor she loves to hear is toilet. Like it or not therefore, the saying that words won’t hurt as rule of thumb is nonsense and a man without a sense of humor does not exist.